Light at the end of the snowed in tunnel

After about a foot of snow that fell between Monday and Wednesday and a gnarly ice storm on Tuesday night, the White Death is finally melting. Man, I thought Los Angelinos were bad about "drizzle = storm of the century", but it turns out that Middle-America dwellers are just as bad about freaking out over any sort of water, in whatever form, that falls from the sky.

Don't get me wrong, I know that snow and ice can create some pretty dangerous situations, but really, on their own they're rather harmless. It's the human component that screws everything up. For example, the snow was falling on Monday morning and we were without milk and coffee fixin's. (For those of you who don't know about my coffee addiction, let's just say I need it like Jack Bauer needs danger.) I decided to go to the grocery store (about 2 miles away, if that), despite the fact that Jeff was convinced I was going to die a slow, horrible, snow-involved death.

Needless to say, I avoided said death.

However, during my trip to the store, I was provided with several examples of why Jeff was convinced I'd widow him. No, it wasn't the snow on the roads. No, it wasn't the slick conditions on all flat surfaces I either needed to drive on or walk on. No, it wasn't even the fog that decided to make the drive more interesting. No, it was the idiots who were driving like it was a sunny day in June. Just because one drives a large, 4WD tank, does not mean that one needs to put oneself in the position to have to use its safety features.

No, it is not the snow and inclement weather that puts us in danger, it is Mr. Goon-faced-Escalade-driver-who-took-a-turn-at-about-40-miles-per-hour-on-a-road-covered-in-snow. You know who you are.

While I was at the grocery store, I should have picked up a case of rot-gut booze, too, because the county (and most of the state) thought it'd be fun to give the kiddies not one, not two, not even three but FIVE snow days.

Five. Cinco. Fünf. Cinq.

One, two, three, four, FIVE.

The first snow day was fun.

Heck, I'll even go so far as to say the second one was okay, too.

But by day three of the school board's evil plan to drive all parents to the brink of insanity, well, I had been driven to the brink of insanity. By day four, I set up camp in insanity and by day five, was elected mayor.

Starting Tuesday evening, we started getting robo calls from the principal. It was straight out of a horror movie:

TUESDAY EVENING

*ring*ring*ring*
Jeff: Who calls during dinner, seriously?
Andrea: Ooh! Maybe it's the Prize Patrol and we've won a million dollars!
Jeff: Riiiiiiight.
*ring*ring*ring*
Andrea answers the phone.
Andrea: Hello?
Scary phone person: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! No school tomorrow!! MUAHAHAHAHA!
Andrea:

WEDNESDAY EVENING:

*ring*ring*ring*

Jeff: Again with the phone during dinner?

Andrea: You don't think it's...nah, it couldn't be.

*ring*ring*ring*

Jeff: Yeah, there's no way they're going to do it again tomorrow.

Andrea: You're right. It's definitely Publisher's Clearing House calling about our million dollars.

*ring*ring*ring*

Andrea answers the phone.

Andrea: Hello?

Scary phone person: MUAHAHAHAHA! 'TIS I, SCARY PHONE PERSON! NO SCHOOL TOMORROW! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

Andrea: *sobs* Why are you doing this to us?! Please, no more! No more!

THURSDAY EVENING

*ring*ring*ring* Jeff and Andrea trade terrified looks across the dinner table.

Jeff: You answer it, you're the woman.

Andrea: Yeeeeah, about that. I forgot to tell you that I broke both hands today. Sledding accident. It was horrible. I won't be able to pick up a phone for weeks.

*ring*ring*ring*

Jeff: It can't be them again...can it?

Andrea: It can't be. I mean, what kind of sadists do they have running that place?

*ring*ring*ring*

Jeff: If you answer it, I'll be on bath-duty tonight with the boys.

Andrea: *sigh* Okay.

*ring*ring*ring*

Andrea: Hello?

Scary phone person: Hi! This is Ed McMahon with Publisher's Clearing House. You've won a million dollars!

Andrea: REALLY?!

Scary phone person: MUAHAHAHA! FOOLED YOU! NO SCHOOL TOMORROW!! MUAHAHAHA!

Andrea:

I might have paraphrased, but that was the gist.

And really, the days weren't all that bad. Ben's Aunt Missy and cousins came over to sled in our backyard one day, we all had hot chocolate when the kids came in (made from scratch, with organic, fair-trade cocoa powder, organic whole milk and homemade vanilla bean sugar. Not a mix! Take THAT, Martha Stewart!)

The next day, the boys and I curled up on my bed and watched movies:

The next day my friend Barb, her kids and about a gazillion other neighborhood kids came over to sled in our backyard. And yes, I realize that there are only 5 people in this picture, but trust me, there were more out of camera view!

And on Friday, Jeff and I even got in on the sledding action (and snapped this pic...it's been a while since we did a self-portrait!)


I am elated to report that we did not receive a phone call from Scary Phone Person tonight. Honestly, though, even if we had, I would have pretended not to be home and driven BOTH kids to school tomorrow. Yes, I know Ben is not school-aged, but I don't care at this point. I'd send the cats and the dogs, too, while I was at it.

Well, it's almost 3am and the school bus arrives in 5 hours. I'm normally in bed MUCH earlier than this, but I had a Coke while I watched the Superbowl tonight and the caffeine is pulsating through my veins at the speed of absurdity. I must remember to cut off all caffeine consumption no later than 1pm.

Nighty-night!